This year, July has carried an undercurrent of grief and sadness.
My mother-in-law passed away on July 6th. She was a wonderful woman who taught me so much about kindness, empathy, and the importance of following your dreams. I miss her deeply.
Her passing came just days after the anniversary of Dawn’s death. This year, July 3rd fell on a Friday—the same day of the week it did in 1992. Those years always seem to hit a little harder.
For most of my adult life, July was one of my biggest drinking months. Summer celebrations, backyard cookouts, fireworks, vacations… they all seemed incomplete without beers, margaritas, or a drink in my hand. Recently, I felt the absence more than I expected. There were moments when I felt like I couldn’t fully participate alongside everyone else, and that sadness caught me off guard.
Grief has a way of making us want to escape.
I wanted to numb it. I wanted to pick up a drink and instantly feel connected to the people around me. But that’s no longer an option for me.
Instead, I had to do something I once believed was impossible: I had to feel my feelings.
I gave myself permission to step away when I needed to. I spent time alone. I skipped some of the revelry. And when I couldn’t avoid the alcohol-infused atmosphere, I simply observed it. It was hard to witness how deeply our culture still places this toxin on a pedestal. That realization brought its own kind of sadness.
But I’m leaving July with a grateful heart.
I’m grateful that today I know my worth isn’t measured by my participation. I’m loved whether I’m holding a drink or not. I’m learning that I don’t have to force myself into environments that don’t serve me, and that choosing peace over people-pleasing is an act of self-care.
As I step into August, my calendar is full of alcohol-free events, conversations, and opportunities to share this message. I’m walking into this month with an open mind, hope in my heart, and the certainty that I’m creating a life that feels far more aligned with my dreams. (Thank you, Memaw!)
Every season teaches us something.
July reminded me that healing doesn’t mean we stop feeling. It means we stop running from our feelings.
For that, I am incredibly grateful.
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